American Diabetes Association: I miss my Alan

I miss my Alan
Thursday, June 21, 2007
By: Lara Coutinho

I miss my Alan

My fiance, Alan Wormser, died August 12, 2005 from a stroke brought on by a lifetime of Type 1 diabetes. His absence is felt by the many many people he taught, served, and fought for. I never knew a better person than Alan, and now he's gone.

Alan Wormser, military archeologist, cultural resources manager, ham radio operator, Morse code teacher, international folk dancer, uncle and brother, and survivor of his wife of 12 years Kerynn Bissett (died October 2, 2002 of ALS) was also my dearest love. Life was just starting to get better for Alan about a year and a half after his wife died. He became interested in me in spring 2004, and we were both dreaming of getting married by Thanksgiving.

Alan was very dedicated to upholding his morals. In the face of many people cutting and compromising on causes he felt were important, he never wavered in his support and advocacy of what he felt was important.

I was important to him. He was a friend like no other; standing up for me and supporting me like no one had ever done in my life before. He had a lion's heart and unwavering convictions, and he always did the right thing. He was more precious to me than my own life, and I would have traded places if I'd had the option.

There are programs and causes that he fought for that are now missing a huge weapon in their arsenal. He taught many people, and I believe many of them are continuing his work as best they can. But no one could bring together the extraordinary combination of education, intellect, imagination, compassion and passion that Alan did. Even those who strongly disagreed with him respected him for his thoughtful arguments. Now, it doesn't seem to matter.

I miss his sense of humor. I remember the day the doctors told us he would die thinking, "But there are so many more jokes he needs to tell!" He was a skillful pun spinner, a creative cartoonist, and a comedic haiku poet.

He would often sigh, hold me by the shoulders, and tell me that I was selling myself short. He inspired me to break out of many ruts and plug into creative problem solving energy. I credit him with teaching me many things that have allowed me to survive the last two years at all.

Losing people like this does not make sense. Alan did good works his whole life, served as a dedicated caretaker of his dying wife for 18 months, spent his career protecting people and artifacts that most of us barely acknowledge, and he was taken away from us in less than a week. He was 48 years old.

There was no warning. Alan took extremely good care of himself. He ate very well, minded his medication, and exercised as a matter of lifestyle. He was not, however, very in touch with a team of doctors. He saw a few doctors in the last year of his life, but when his wife had become ill in early 2000, he neglected his own medical care in deference to her. Alan did everything he reasonably could do, but he still died early from diabetes.

This is why I fight. I don't want any more young women like me to sit by a hospital bed and watch their futures dissolve. I don't want any more honorable contributors to our society to be lost. I want other options available to people fighting with diabetes. I want at least some of these bad things to stop happening to good people. That's why I fight.

--Lara Coutinho